


Figuring Yourself Out is a Rough Business

by GoingCaked



Series: No Path is Ever Completely Smooth [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Asexual Character, Coming Out, Misunderstandings, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-17 09:08:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3523610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoingCaked/pseuds/GoingCaked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes Gavin making a stupid bet to see which of them can go the longest without sex, and a bit of angst, for Ray to figure out he’s asexual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Figuring Yourself Out is a Rough Business

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by WhaleHuntingBoyfriends’ prompt fic about the same ‘who can go the longest without’ bet.  
> Contains sexual situations which make a character uncomfortable.

Gavin was a moron. Ray didn't know why any of them ever listened to him. Why would any of them even _want_ to not have sex or jerk off? Yeah, sure, they'd been extra horny lately and Ray had been getting pretty tired of it, to be honest. When they'd all started looking like they would actually take Gavin up on his stupid bet Ray had actually been a bit _glad_ that they would have a few days without all the sex stuff going around. He figured it would be a few days of cuddles and chilling around the TV.

But that wasn't what was happening at all. Everyone was taking the 'try to make the others fail ' part way too seriously. Suddenly it felt like everything they _did_ was tinged with this extra layer and it was making Ray's stomach knot. There were no more innocent touches or moments or _anything_.

Gavin and Michael were the worst, obviously. It was like every touch from Gavin was supposed to be seductive, and Michael kept putting things in his mouth in a stupid way. Geoff was at least a little bit better, but not by much. He kept sending stupid texts. At the first few Ray had found them funny little jokes and had sent some of his own back, but then he'd had the gross realization that Geoff was being at least a little _serious_. Suddenly the texts didn't seem so funny. Jack and Ryan weren't actually trying to be assholes, at least. And during the first two days Ray had just taken to hanging around the two of them but then even they started to get... It was like they were always thinking about it. Like it was lurking just under the surface. Ray didn't like it.

***

It was the third day of the challenge and they were all hanging out in Geoff's living room, like normal. Except it wasn't like normal. Michael had been licking at the mouth of his beer bottle for the last twenty minutes while making eye contact with Gavin. It had been funny two days ago, seeing Michael put on a ridiculous look and suck at things. But that had worn off very quickly. He could tell that Michael wasn't just making a joke. This was an actual _sex_ thing he was doing in the living room while they were trying to play Mario Party. Ray had been doing a good job of ignoring it, especially since Ray was seated on the floor with his back against the couch between Ryan's legs, and Michael was on the other end of the couch on Geoff's other side, so Ray could barely see him without turning his head. He could definitely see _Gavin_ though. Gavin was seated on the other couch with Jack, and he was the reason that Ray had opted for the floor instead of the couch with them. Gavin was being so much worse at the game than usual and Geoff was being super cranky about it, but Gavin was also locking eyes with Michael _back_. Gavin was alternating between giggling at Michael's antics and playing along by trailing his hands over himself and Jack, which was annoying Jack as well, and staring at Michael slack-jawed.

Ray glared at Gavin before going back to the game. He wasn't the biggest fan of Mario Party, but it was a good couch co-op game, and Michael and Gavin loved it for some fucking reason, so it tended to be something they defaulted to, even if it was only four player. Michael had chosen to sit out this game, so that he could continue to be an asshole with the beer bottle, and Jack was taking his turn out as well.

Truth be told Ray didn't really feel all that much like playing, or really hanging out with the others at all, but it was group date night, so there really wasn't much he could do about it. Ray tried to not pay attention to Gavin, who kept fidgeting on the loveseat, running his hands up and down his thighs in a clearly sexual way. Ray was pretty sure he could even see Gavin’s _erection_ tenting his stupid skinny jeans.

Before the stupid bet, if one of them got turned on then someone else would just playfully take them to the other room and that would be that. But now it was just _sitting there_. As much as Ray tried to concentrate on the game he couldn't help but feeling like all the attention in the room was pointing directly at Gavin's dick. It was making his skin itch and his stomach curl and he just desperately wanted to go back to his apartment and be away from it all. It must have been getting to Geoff as well, if his dwindling patience with Gavin was anything to go by. He could feel Ryan getting antsier as well, shifting around more and bumping Ray with his legs.

Ray figured the evening was probably going to end early, and he couldn't have been more relieved. He figured maybe they could just finish off this round or the next, and then maybe eat something and head out.

Ray frowned at the screen as he watched Geoff roll, silently urging it to go faster when Ryan shifted forward again, this time just enough so that Ray could feel his crotch and his _erect dick_.

Ray flinched forward and scrambled to his feet without thinking. His heart was going a mile a minute in his throat, making it hard to hear anything else. Ryan was frowning up at him, face flushed with _arousal_. Ray's stomach shuddered and he backed up a few feet.

_Had Ryan been hard that whole time?_ He didn't fucking know, and he didn't _want_ to know.

“I think I'm going to head out,” Ray mumbled, not really caring in his almost panic.

Michael, the fucking asshole, just snickered and the others also seemed pretty amused. Ray was fucking glad the assholes were getting a thrill out of their inappropriate sex-ness, but fuck them he was going home.

***

He didn't see any of them again until work the next day. At that point he'd calmed down and felt a bit embarrassed about his over reaction. He just hoped that Ryan wasn't upset. Dicks just _did things_ sometimes, it wasn't fair of Ray to lose his shit at Ryan over it.

He came in to find everyone smirking at him pretty damn hard.

Ray frowned. He expected some teasing, but that didn't seem to be what this was about. “Morning.” He greeted.

“Morning,” Michael replied, still smirking, “Did you have a … _good_ sleep last night?”

Ray frowned at him, confused. Michael seemed to have been suggesting something, but it didn't sound like he was mocking him. Well okay, no, it definitely sounded like Michael was mocking him, it just didn't sound like it was for Ray being a freak.

Ray grinned and went along with it anyways, “Totally, my X-box kept me toasty warm.”

Michael and the others just continued to smirk, “So are you out then?” Gavin asked. Ray blinked at him, confused. “Of the competition.” Gavin clarified. Even with how much time he had spent annoyed at the stupid thing it still took Ray a second to piece together that Gavin was talking about the bet.

They thought he'd run off because of a bad case of blue balls. He wasn't sure _why_. No one had been touching him, and he hadn't been able to see Michael to get any ‘sound of running water while you need to pee’ effect.

Ray laughed, “No dude, my hand is still virginal as ever.”

Michael laughed, “Dude your hand is the only part of you that's _not_ a virgin.”

That broke the tension a bit, but it was still there. Mostly everyone behaved themselves at work. They'd agreed that they would leave their their relationship out of the office when they'd started it, so the teasing was staying away for the most part, but Ray was wanting more and more to spend time on his own outside of work.

Michael was still doing his stupid sucking things thing, and Gavin wouldn't stop touching everyone in a gross way. Gavin had realized that Ray didn't want him doing it to him and had enjoyed doing it more for an entire evening and Ray kind of lost it on him a little. Every touch felt like Gavin was... Ray didn't know, _taking somethin_ g maybe? But whatever it was it left him feeling like he wanted to scrub the touch away and curl up and be _safe_ somewhere else, and Ray just couldn't take it. Geoff was still sending dirty text messages, and and any possible humor Ray could have found in them was gone. He didn't even want to _look_ at them anymore.

Jack and Ryan were still being mostly mature, like always but... They were both frustrated from not getting off, Ray could tell, and even when everything was fine they'd just... it felt like he had to watch himself or they'd start getting the wrong idea, in a way that he wasn't used to feeling around them.

Ray just wanted this stupid bet to be _over with_.

***

Michael cracked first. _Finally._ After a fucking _week_ he showed up after lunch at work one day and declared that Geoff's texts had finally gotten the better of him with their steamy hotness.

Ray frowned internally at hearing that. What could Geoff have possibly written to make Michael _need_ to get himself off?

Ray had actually finally opened Geoff's texts and scrolled down to the last one. His skin crawled at Geoff's description. Normally it would be just something to laugh about, but... _Michael had gotten off to that? How_?

Ray found himself dwelling on it for the rest of the day, sneaking glances at Michael whenever he could. Was Michael really so over-sexed that he could get off to something like that? Ray didn't like admitting it, even to himself, but that kind of made him ... not want to be around Michael alone. Michael was great. He loved Michael. But.... but what if Michael wasn't _safe?_

Ray was probably overreacting. It was probably just a joke that it was Geoff's text that had triggered it. Michael had probably just given in to the blue balls and was making a joke and Ray was being an idiot and no fun and not understanding that.

Everything was fine. There was no reason for him to be uneasy about Michael.

Ray had kind of been hoping that once someone folded everyone else would give up on this stupid farce, but apparently the others now thought it was an issue of _honor_ or some shit. Like it was a major accomplishment to feel a little bit uncomfortable for a few weeks. He'd at least kind of hoped that Michael would stop with his whole licking thing, but apparently not. Apparently Michael had decided that now that he was out he was going to try _extra_ hard to get the others out. He'd taken to making out with Gavin at every opportunity. Which, fine, whatever, they always did that, but now it's like there's no more kissing, absolutely everything with Michael seemed like a preemptive to sex.

Ray can't help wondering if it was like that before. Had Michael always been like this and he just never noticed?

Michael keeps trying to make out with him too, and usually Ray liked making out, but it seemed like there's always a goal now, and he doesn't want to go there. Apparently his shortness with Gavin meant that he was close to giving in so an annoying amount of the teasing was being focused on him. Ray was half thinking of just saying he'd jerked off to try and end that, but he was worried that Michael would want to have sex if he did, and there wouldn't be anyone to deflect him to, and Ray had honestly never felt _less_ like having sex in his life.

Luckily Gavin went and had sex with Michael only two days later. But it still wasn't over with. He'd hoped so bad that with Gavin and Michael down that that would be it for this stupidity, but the Gents stayed in it out of a matter of _pride_ or some shit so it just. Kept. Going.

Except now with Gavin and Michael down they were teaming up. Ray felt constantly on edge around the others. He stopped spending time around Michael and Gavin all together. The gents weren't much better. Every time he was around them he swore they popped a boner, and there was something... off about the make-out sessions. Everything just set his teeth on edge and a shiver down his spine. Even at work he found himself flinching away from touches and looking behind him more often, almost like he was worried that he was being watched or some shit.

It was fucking stupid but Ray now felt like there was something... Like there was a monster or some shit. It couldn't be dumber but... Did he make a mistake in dating them?

He'd thought that they were nice. They'd _seemed_ nice. But ever since the bet started they'd been acting- they'd ALL been acting kind of like... predators.

Ray flinched at even thinking that about his boys. They were his boyfriends. Everything was great between them. They were just... taking a joke too far. That was all.

***

Geoff caved next. Michael and Gavin ganged up on him, and Ray couldn't help but think of it in those terms, even though he hadn't been there, and Geoff seemed perfectly happy. But that just meant that there was now three of them trying full force to get the others out.

But luckily it seemed that was all it took. Jack folded not a day later which just left himself and Ryan.

Ray felt like crying in relief as he told the others that he'd rubbed one out, and the stupid fucking bet was finally over.

They'd all congratulated Ryan on his victory and he gloated at having the most self control, and Ray's skin crawled the entire time.

Geoff whooped and declared it orgy time.

Ray was pretty damn sure that he wouldn't be able to get it up, and he really didn't want to be touched, but he didn't know how to get out of it.

It was easy to brush someone off when it was just one or two of them, but when it was an all six activity he'd never figured out how to get out of it.

Of course usually he didn't _want_ to get out of it. He _liked_ sex with them. He really did. It was just some fun rolling around, and cuddling and kissing and stuff. And there was usually so much happening with all six of them together that it was easy for Ray to sidestep doing anything he didn't feel like. But right now... He didn't feel like doing _anything_ and with the way Geoff was going on about the 'runner up' he was going to have a lot of attention paid to him.

Ray didn't want to. The thought of going with them, and having their hands on him, and their dicks just everywhere was making his stomach twist so hard he wasn't sure that he wouldn't actually puke, and he felt like he was breathing really obviously. But what was he supposed to do? If he wasn't going to have sex with them then he wasn't really their boyfriend. And he wanted to be their boyfriend.

Right?

After all, all this would clear up in a couple of days and everything would go back to normal, right?

Geoff grinned and pulled his top off, signaling for the others to undress as well. Clothes started to be shucked as they all made their way into Geoff's bedroom with the massive bed. Michael was tugging on his arm, grinning at him, making it impossible for him to hang back without it being obvious.

Ray grinned back, hoping it didn't look as fake as it felt and followed him into the room, taking off his own clothes.

He'd been naked before all of them dozens of times before, but he'd never felt quite so exposed, like his clothes were a necessary safety precaution that he'd just stupidly flung aside.

Michael led Ray over to the bed, sitting down on it and pulling Ray down on top of him for a kiss. Ray could feel his tongue pushing into his mouth and Michael's body hot beneath him. Michael's cock was starting to get hard against Ray's stomach.

Ray awkwardly kept his eyes open during the kiss, staring at Michael's pores.

Michael rested his hands heavy against Ray's back and trailed them up and down, in a way that Ray normally liked but just left him feeling like Michael's hands were leaving something on his body, like when you touch something nasty and can't help feeling like it's still there even after washing your hands.

The bed bounced softly as Geoff threw himself and Gavin down next to them, just far enough from where Michael and he were that they weren't touching, but Ray could feel their body heat. Ray stared at Gavin and Geoff as Michael continued kissing him.

They were also making out, Gavin had his hands tangled in Geoff's hair, and Geoff was kneading Gavin's ass.

Ray watched as Geoff's fingers dug in to the flesh, the lamps meaning that shadows appeared around Geoff's fingers where he gripped.

He saw Ryan walk up beside them and pull open the top drawer of the nightstand, pulling out two bottles of lube and a handful of condoms.

Ray watched wide eyed as Ryan climbed onto the bed on top of Gavin and Geoff, leaning down to kiss at the back of Gavin's neck.

Suddenly a knee landed between Ray's legs and Ray jerked in shock.

It was Jack climbing onto the bed. Ray had lost track of him. There were so many of them.

Michael laughed under him, “Jumpy.” he commented before propping himself up on his elbows so that he was face to face with Ray again.

He brought one hand up to touch the back of Ray's head and pull him in. Michael wasn't doing it quickly, but he'd put on a lot of muscle recently. The pull was very firm.

Micheal kissed him again, but briefer this time before pulling back a little. Ray could still feel Michael's hair on his face.

“Do you want to fuck me?” Micheal asked.

Ray's mouth was dry. He didn't want to. He didn't think he _could_ even if he did.

“Nah, think I'd rather just get a show,” Ray said, hoping it sounded convincing, hoping that that would be good enough. There were six of them after all. One of them just sitting back and enjoying was _common._ It had to be fine.

Michael seemed to accept that, to Ray's relief and turned his attention to Jack instead, “What about you, big boy,” Michael purred and reached around Ray to pull Jack down. Ray scrambled out of the way and sat on the side of the bed, watching.

He felt oddly detached from the scene as he watched Jack fuck Michael, and Ryan and Geoff double team Gavin, almost like he wasn't really there except for a racing heartbeat and the feeling of Michael's hands still on his skin.

They were focused on what they were doing. Ray didn't have to join except for when he was pulled in for a kiss over sweaty bodies and with sweaty mouths.

The entire time Ray felt like the slap of skin on skin would echo through him forever.

After, he said he just really wanted to go to his own apartment. He thought that maybe the others were disappointed, but Ray was having trouble taking in anything but small details. He knew what the creases in Geoff's skin looked like, but not what expression Ryan had. He knew how the lube still glistened on the blanket near the leftmost pillow, but he wasn't sure what Jack had said to him.

On the ride back to his place he was somehow hyper aware of every move Geoff made, yet he didn't know what he was saying. There was just a rushing and his own frantic heartbeat.

But finally he was alone in his own apartment. The door was locked and bolted, so no one could get in, even with a key. And he'd checked the closets and large cupboards, and there wasn't anyone hiding there, not that there ever would be. But Ray still felt like there was someone there.

He shakily made his way into the bathroom and locked the doors.

He turned on the shower and climbed in, lathering a washcloth. Ray scrubbed where he could still feel Michael's hands and suddenly he found himself taking a shuddering breath and was sobbing. Ray sunk to the ground, great shuddering sobs leaving him and he had no idea why.

***

He avoided everyone else the next day. Not knowing what else to do. The others must have known something was up given how he could feel them all giving him glances throughout the day.

Ray didn't know what he was going to do about it. He liked the others. He liked the relationship they'd been working on, but every time he thought of them it just brought a knot to his stomach.

He didn't want to leave them. But something was wrong, and he couldn't stand the thought of being around them anymore.

God why did Gavin have to make that _fucking_ bet!

It took less time than Ray thought for the others to pick up that he was avoiding them. Usually it was pretty easy to make sure that they each thought he was spending time with someone else, but that wasn't working at the moment.

There was an awkward tension in the air now, which was better than the sexual energy that had permeated everything for the last two weeks, but was still setting Ray's teeth on edge.

He managed to brush off their concern by saying he'd been feeling under the weather, but he wasn't sure how much time that was going to buy him to work this out.

Ray didn't like over thinking things. Usually he just kind of went with whatever. He'd fallen into all his past relationships sort of by chance, and out of them again either because the other person ended it or because they both knew it wasn't working. The thought of actually having to even _make a decision_ about breaking up with them was honestly a bit terrifying and he didn't want to do it.

But at the same time he didn't even want to spend time with _any_ of them anymore. Even going to lunch seemed to much. Hell even being in the _office_ had him on edge.

And really, how was that supposed to work? They'd talked about what would happen with AH if their relationship failed as a whole, but they'd never actually made a plan for if just one person punked out. And really, Ray didn't know how he could continue making videos if all the chemistry he'd had with the others was suddenly gone. God he hoped that Geoff would let him stay on as an editor at least.

But the 'feeling under the weather' excuse only bought him a couple of days, especially since he wasn't acting sick, or taking any days off.

Geoff asked him over for an everybody date night and Ray said no, he had some stuff to do. He knew Geoff didn't buy it. And he knew it was over, but they didn't talk about it.

Over the next few days Michael gave him a halfhearted invite down to the pool with him and Gavin, and Jack asked if he wanted to go mini-golfing with him and some of the others from work, but Ray turned them both down, and he knew from their hesitance in offering and how easy they accepted the rejection that they must have also realized it was over. It was now just a matter of time before they actually made it official.

***

Geoff didn't let it take long. He wasn't the 'boss' of the relationship, but he still had a habit of falling into the ‘daddy’ role.

“We're going to have pizza at Michael's apartment,” Geoff told him as they packed up to leave. Ray opened his mouth to offer an excuse but Geoff cut him off, “Pizza will be there at seven, if you want to drop your stuff off first.” He gave Ray a measured, sad look, that told Ray everything he needed to know. This wasn't a request. And it wasn't just pizza.

Ray plastered a smile on his face, “Sure thing,” he said before leaving the office and walking back to his place as fast as possible.

As soon as the door to his apartment shut Ray could feel the tears start.

He scrunched his face up and took a deep breath. This was going to suck, but he could at least hold off until _after_ , save some of his dignity.

Ray felt like there should be something he should be doing to prepare for being broken up with, some ritual, _something_. But he couldn't think of anything, so he gathered up the assorted keys the others had given him, squared his shoulders, and left to go to Michael's. He was grateful for Geoff at least to be having this in Michael's apartment, so that Ray could make his own way home afterwords.

Ray stared at the door that he was in front of too soon and wondered if he should knock. Michael and him had moved beyond knocking even before they'd been official, but he guessed everything was different now.

After standing staring at the door like a loser for several seconds he finally just opened it and let himself in. Everyone else was already there and waiting.

If Ray didn't know before what this was about the awkward, tense silence would have given it away.

Ray sat down at the table, trying to not think about how the placement of the chairs made it seem like everyone was directly facing him.

They sat their staring at each other for several moments before Michael cleared his throat, “Pizza should be here in twenty.”

Ray nodded. He was half surprised they'd even bothered ordering pizza.

He felt like his eyes were burning and his head felt thick.

He was just bracing himself to try and come up with some sort of small talk when Geoff mercifully broke the silence.

“Have you been okay lately?” he asked tentatively, “You've seemed off.”

Ray opened his mouth not sure what he was going to say, but instead of whatever it was going to be, a ragged sob escaped him. “I'm breaking up with you,” he said before breaking down completely.

This wasn't how he wanted to do it. It was stupid to cry because _he_ was breaking up with them but he couldn't get himself under control.

He didn't hear anyone get up and flinched in surprise as he felt a hand laid on his shoulder.

Ray looked up to see Geoff crouching next to him, looking concerned.

He rubbed Ray’s shoulder, “Why?” he asked, radiating concern from every pore.

But Ray just shook his head. He didn't know how to explain it. He didn't even know what _it_ was.

He was dimly aware of Geoff shooing the others into the other room and pulling a chair over to sit next to him.

Ray got himself under control relatively quickly and looked up to meet Geoff's eyes.

“What's going on, Ray?” he asked softly.

The caring almost set Ray off again, and he didn't know _why._ It wasn't like he didn't know that they cared about him.

Ray blinked and wiped his face with the tissues Geoff brought him. He shook his head, “I don't know.”

“Well could you try to explain it at least?”

Ray shook his head again but tried anyways, “I don't know. I just. Thinking about you... touching me. And. I don't know. I just. I don't know.”

Geoff frowned and leaned in further, “You don't like the sex?” he guessed.

Ray paused. _Was that it?_ Ray shrugged, “It used to be okay.”

Geoff nodded, “Just okay?” Ray looked down again, “cause I talked with the others and... it kind of seemed to us like you maybe _didn't_ like having sex with us all that much.”

Ray shrugged again and turned away to avoid Geoff's eye contact, “I _did_ like it,” Ray mumbled, “sometimes.”

Ray heard Geoff breathe for a couple of seconds before Geoff continued, “Are you not attracted to some of us?” Geoff asked, barely a whisper.

Ray shook his head violently, “No. No, it's not that. You're-you're all great. I like all of you.”

Geoff nodded, “But you don't want to have sex with all of us?”

Ray frowned, “I told you. It's good. Sometimes it's good.”

Geoff was frowning hardcore at him now, “No one can remember you ever initiating things, Ray. If- No one wants you to do something you don't want to do.”

Ray took a shuddering gasp, “I don't need more _time._ Or anything like that. That's not it.”

Geoff nodded again, “So what, we just aren't what you pictured in your sex fantasies?” Geoff cracked a half smile, trying to lighten the mood.

“Dude you guys are so much better than any relationship fantasy I've ever had. I'm sorry, I just... I can't” Ray shrugged, giving a crooked smile.

Geoff returned it, nodding sadly, “Out of curiosity, what were your adolescent boning fantasies? Maybe you could give us a last ditch chance to keep you.”

Ray laughed softly, and shrugged, “Never really had sex fantasies.”

Geoff’s expression changed to one of confusion and Ray's stomach twisted, not knowing what he did wrong, “You've never had a sex fantasy?” Geoff asked, sounding disbelieving.

“No, not really,” Ray shook his head.

Geoff's frown deepened, “What do you jerk off to?”

Ray shrugged, “You know. Stuff. Porn.”

“But you never think about having _sex_ with the people in the porn?”

Ray wrinkled his nose and shook his head, unsure of what Geoff was getting at.

Geoff just continued to frown, “How do you know you're bi then?”

Ray shrugged helplessly, “I don't know. Guys are hot, girls are hot, what more is there?”

“But you don't want to _bang_ either.”

“Well, I mean, I like dating, and it's a part of dating.” Ray said, completely lost and feeling like there was something important that he was missing. “Why?”

Geoff looked just as lost as Ray felt, “Most people want to bang people they're attracted to.”

Ray frowned, “I just told you, I do want to bang.”

“No, I mean, like not as part of a relationship. Just like, 'oh they're hot, I'd like to stick it in 'em'.”

Ray gave Geoff a disbelieving look, “Whatever.”

Geoff shook his head more vigorously, “No, really, that's what attraction _is_ is wanting to screw someone. It's not just thinking they're hot. I think Beyonce's _hot_ , doesn't make me less gay.”

Ray stared at Geoff for a second. He wasn't sure what Geoff was trying to tell him, that Geoff was some sort of oversexed pervert? Ray edged backwards unconsciously at the thought. Was Michael like that too? Was that why Geoff had been sending those texts during the bet?

Geoff and Ray just sat there staring at each other, trying to work things out for a few long seconds when the door to the other room opened and shut again.

Geoff and Ray both jumped to look over and see Ryan walking over with his laptop out.

Ray and Geoff both watched him curiously while trying to keep an eye on each other as Ryan set the laptop down on the table and sat down looking at both of them.

“Ray, he's right,” Ryan said, not bothering to pretend like he wasn't listening in.

Ray raised a disbelieving eyebrow at the two of them. Where they honestly expecting him to believe that people just walked around _wanting to have sex with people_ all the time?

Ryan frowned at him to, “Ray... have you ever thought if maybe you're asexual?”

Ray couldn't raise his eyebrow because it was already raised, but he certainly tried. “Pretty sure I'm not a sponge.”

Ryan shook his head and turned the laptop for Ray to see, “It's also a sexual orientation.”

Ray gave Ryan a questioning look before turning to look at the computer screen. It was open to the home page of something called the 'Asexual Visibility and Education Network'.

Ray looked doubtfully back at Ryan and Geoff. “You guys think I'm some sort of weird new made up orientation.”

Ryan tilted his head, “First time I heard about it was when reading the Kinsey report. So I'm not sure how 'new' it is.”

Ray blinked and looked back down at the computer. There wasn't much useful information on the homepage.

“Look,” Ryan said, “Why don't you go look at this some more at home. Then... then we'll go from there. Okay?”

Ray looked between Ryan and Geoff, both looking hopeful and nodded. He doubted he would find anything, but he might as well look.

***

Ray didn't know what to think.

He'd thought he was normal. That _everyone_ was like him, but apparently in some big, fundamental way, they weren't.

But then again, he guessed he always knew. Things had just not... fit right, sometimes. He'd just always assumed he was a bit weird, or awkward, or whatever, not...

He'd thought he was _normal_.

But he wasn't. Geoff had been right, everyone really did walk around _wanting to have sex with people_. The giant billboards of models were there because guys wanted to have sex with them. Chicks went crazy about boy bands because they wanted to have sex with them.

People dated because they wanted to have sex.

Ray had felt like crying when everything started just slotting into place and he came to realize how fundamentally strange he was.

But that had been mostly washed away by... horror almost, at the rest of the world. God he'd thought, only, like, _rapists_ and shit thought like that.

He... didn't know what to do.

He wanted Geoff to come comfort him, honestly. Or Michael or Ryan or Jack, or hell even Gavin. But he just couldn't get over the fact that this entire time they'd wanted to physically have sex with him. It wasn't a playful, closeness thing for them, it was something else. God, well, that explained what was so hard about that stupid bet.

Ray was super glad that Geoff had decided to confront him on a Friday, so that he had the whole weekend to sit alone in his apartment and alternately wade through AVEN seeing all those other people having the same realizations he was, panicking about everything, and trying to distract himself with X-box.

By the time Monday rolled around Ray mostly had calmed down. Rationality had taken over from his 'oh god they shouldn't be allowed near children!' type thoughts and his scraps of adult self-esteem had mostly dealt with the 'oh god I'm broken' thoughts and he was ready to face his boyfriends. Not _prepared_ , he had no idea what he was going to say to them. But he was at least feeling ready for the conversation.

Ray was the last one in the office, even though he arrived ten minutes early, and he figured that was probably by design.

Ray sat down and started getting his things together as the others tried to not make it look like they were watching him closely.

“So,” Ray said, still not looking at them, “I guess I'm asexual, then.”

There was a beat of silence in which Ray didn't know what was happening then he had Jack's arms around him, and for the first time in weeks it didn't feel scary, even though he thought maybe it should, given what he now knew about them.

Jack pulled back quickly and looked at him, “Uh, sorry,” he said awkwardly, “This is okay, right?”

Ray laughed and pulled him back in.

Ray sat back down after he was done hugging Jack and looked back at the others, suddenly a lot less sure than he had been in Jack's arms.

“So,” Gavin said, “Are you not breaking up with us?”

And that right there was the question. He liked them. He _really_ liked them. And he was pretty sure he could learn to live with there sexual predilections. But he didn't know if they could actually make it work.

Ray shrugged and wrapped his arms around himself, “If you guys think it can work...” he said, throwing it out there for them to decide.

Geoff scoffed, as if that wasn't even a question, “Of course it can work, asshole. Fuck, even if we all didn't have four other boyfriends to go to it could still work. We just need to know if _you_ want it to.”

Relief flooded Ray's stomach, the knot untwisting that he hadn't realized had been there probably since Gavin started the bet, maybe even longer than that. Maybe since forever. He didn't think it was finally fully relaxed, but there was a lightness that he hadn't felt before. Like maybe things were going to work out properly. He didn't fucking know.

Ray nodded, “Yeah, I want to. I want us to work.”

  
  


  
  



End file.
